the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
