Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
