Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Panties = found
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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