When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We're too hungover to prance.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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