So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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