I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
