Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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