if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?