why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
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Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great