I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?