My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Randomize
