i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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