do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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