About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
