The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Randomize
