Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
