Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
