I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
