I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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