yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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