Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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