so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
