is your mom at the bar?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
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and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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