Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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