I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
