strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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