I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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