So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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