ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
