I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
