Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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