I think I am morally bankrupt
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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