I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
