I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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