No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
