You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
