she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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