i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
