I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
