The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
