everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
