Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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