omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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