He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
