Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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