we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
