She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
