so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
