She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
