I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
we're so committed to being not committed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize