so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
