My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
