can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
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Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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