we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.