I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.