That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
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Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better