The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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