Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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