Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
