I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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