anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
