I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
