I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
