I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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