Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How does it feel to date your dad?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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